I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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