im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
