Do you still have your period?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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