do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
