I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
