just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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