Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
why does every cop we meet know your name?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
