Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
