OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Randomize
