Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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