Only a mothe r could love this liver
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
