Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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