You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
