I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
