i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
