i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
