it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
there is glitter all over my balls
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
