on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
