You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
