just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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