Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
