i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
