the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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