I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
