What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Randomize
