oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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