you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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