do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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