Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
