yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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