So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
