there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
