That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
