i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
