True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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