I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
