I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
