At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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