where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
