I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
