I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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