Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
