his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
