She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
