so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
