New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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