wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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