Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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