Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
