i just sent this text using only my big toe
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
