Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
