She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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