Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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