You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
